my new life

so I sent Viv a message thsat she could reach me when she decides she waants a physical relationship, and meanwhile lets get this pillow exchange happening. she called a short time later to say meet in new west at 8. I was over picking up the BMW X3 that I bought in PoCo and with my time management skills I made it there by 9. We went into Begbies and had a couple glasses of wine, then to the Hub for Calimari and a pulled pork. Had the sit dowqn discussion that we should have had weeks ago. She still gets pretty angry when she says I lied to her face under her roof. She wasnt very comforrtable at the start, but at the end she had warmed up considerably and held me for a long time, even cried, but wouldnt kiss me. Then today, no word again, no answer to my texts. After last night I had hope. She said thats why she was totally sileent, because she didnt want to give ,me hope, She was done. I am sure she is NOT done.

So Im doing a couple courses on relationships, and love etc. A lot to learn. Meanwhile Viv is trying to be civil, I can tell she is not too keen onmit. Immgoing to go no contact. Its prolly too late for that, but im doing it for me. Now that Ive messed it up, I finally do what I was told to do at the start. no contact. I am sure she is gone. Just like michelle, I will find someone else, and I will get over Vivian. It only took 3 months last time. And Vivian was a lot of work. And VERY expensive. She didnt pay for a single thing the whole time I was with her, maybe a piece of fish. 16 grand in 6 weeks. I did love being with her, and did love her. She did say she loved me a few times at the end, before that it wwas I was "growing on her". When I saw Cheryl the other night, aannd she professed her love for me, I realized how awkward it feels to like someone while they have already married you and are trying to lock you down. Not that great. another lesson learned.

its been 2 weeks. she still answers the phone once and awhile but not usually and is very slow to text. She has lost it. Has tickets for 2 fpor some gala, backed out of ZZ Top and \Cheap Trick. So I am trying my best to put it behind me. Kim is a regular, rita is coming down this weekend, Rachel and I are meeting for coffee tomorrow at noon, theres a couple more kind of checking in. It is sad, but its not like I got a second chance or anything. She says I crushed her. Its a choice Viv. You chose to be apart and live with all those negative feelings. Good luck finding me again. It took you 7 years this last time.

....after no reply to any of ,my texts. messages, or voice mail, she called me last night and we talked for 45 minutes, mossstly about manifest. A litrtle bit about us, she seems pretty solid on not changing her mind. And that makes me feel sick.

You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. Everyday, you get more check marks for something we connect on, or something I like about you. EVERY DAY. I Nlove your body. Every inch of it. It's pretty obvious. And going down on you is pure exctasy. Omce |I learn how to breathe through my ears, I will really enjoy it. I love everything about you. I love you with everything I got. More every day.

number one. What a 6 week run we had. It took her a while to warm up fully but she did and we were rocking it. 16 grand in 6 weeks. Yeah. That was good too. Ive been kinda burning up the lines trying to get her to reconsider. At this point she has mostly ghosted me. she usually answers the phone early or late If I lose her, Ive lost the best one, and the person I love more than any other. Im pretty sure she cant turn her back on what we had, especially since things arent as they seem at all....but she is one of these people who dont change their mind once its made up. If she continues to barely communicate, then I am at a loss for words. I can't see myself giving up, but nobody likes fielding questions and texts that make them uneasy. We will have to see.