my new life

Im at home trying to straighten out paperwork for my travel insurance and wcb business proposal. Vivian and I went to the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra last night, they did a tribute to Queen. It was fantastic. I am doing all I can to be more self aware, and a better person. Robert, microdosing, the temple in peru, Scott with smoking hypnothewrapy, Jennifer, breathing, colon therapy, meditation, etc.

so I'm in Powell River it's Monday end of May Vivian just flew out of here and went home to her place I paid for plane tickets to bring her up here and we went and chartered a fishing boat on Saturday and went out fishing for salmon its first time I've ever fished in my entire life. I went to the Laughing Oyster on Friday night and then Sunday night we went back to Laughing Oyster and David cooked up the rock clubI went to the Laughing Oyster on Friday night and then Sunday night we went back to Laughing Oyster and David cooked up the rock cod that we caught on Saturday. it was pretty good. probably not as good as the salmon that I caught but it was catching Lee so it couldn't keep it. So Vivian and I are starting a so-called diet that Jennifer Singer is teaching. it's about time I started on something before I get too out of shape I am 58 after all so I'm looking forward to it it means that moving and I will cook healthy every night where are you will exerci...

So.....its been a week. I am back with Vivian, I am focused, transparent, trying my best to be completely honest, and I am more in love than ever. when I was in Powell River, she called to say she wanted to talk. She didnt go into it, and I was pretty sure she was going to stick to her decision to be apart. I shut down a couple days ahead of my boat project, just so I could be back in town to meet the agreed upon communication. She told me she was "open" to a relationship. provided the environment was healthy, and honest. I had already begun an online course, and some self help counselling, and I gave my word that I would do everything in my power to not repeat my shortcomings. It has been 5 days, and she has warmed up so much. SO much. I am totally in love again, it is like she never gone. I did, however, call Mel, Rita, Kim, and Rachel, with Vivian sitting there, and on speakerphone, I cut myself off from them all. The night after, i got emails from all, telling me how...

so I sent Viv a message thsat she could reach me when she decides she waants a physical relationship, and meanwhile lets get this pillow exchange happening. she called a short time later to say meet in new west at 8. I was over picking up the BMW X3 that I bought in PoCo and with my time management skills I made it there by 9. We went into Begbies and had a couple glasses of wine, then to the Hub for Calimari and a pulled pork. Had the sit dowqn discussion that we should have had weeks ago. She still gets pretty angry when she says I lied to her face under her roof. She wasnt very comforrtable at the start, but at the end she had warmed up considerably and held me for a long time, even cried, but wouldnt kiss me. Then today, no word again, no answer to my texts. After last night I had hope. She said thats why she was totally sileent, because she didnt want to give ,me hope, She was done. I am sure she is NOT done.

So Im doing a couple courses on relationships, and love etc. A lot to learn. Meanwhile Viv is trying to be civil, I can tell she is not too keen onmit. Immgoing to go no contact. Its prolly too late for that, but im doing it for me. Now that Ive messed it up, I finally do what I was told to do at the start. no contact. I am sure she is gone. Just like michelle, I will find someone else, and I will get over Vivian. It only took 3 months last time. And Vivian was a lot of work. And VERY expensive. She didnt pay for a single thing the whole time I was with her, maybe a piece of fish. 16 grand in 6 weeks. I did love being with her, and did love her. She did say she loved me a few times at the end, before that it wwas I was "growing on her". When I saw Cheryl the other night, aannd she professed her love for me, I realized how awkward it feels to like someone while they have already married you and are trying to lock you down. Not that great. another lesson learned.

its been 2 weeks. she still answers the phone once and awhile but not usually and is very slow to text. She has lost it. Has tickets for 2 fpor some gala, backed out of ZZ Top and \Cheap Trick. So I am trying my best to put it behind me. Kim is a regular, rita is coming down this weekend, Rachel and I are meeting for coffee tomorrow at noon, theres a couple more kind of checking in. It is sad, but its not like I got a second chance or anything. She says I crushed her. Its a choice Viv. You chose to be apart and live with all those negative feelings. Good luck finding me again. It took you 7 years this last time.